I give you… the One Word/Sentence Story with the Great Cas from Lemon Lullabies! #original
*two rewrites, many hours, and some misunderstandings*
*and lots of tears*
*and lots of witty comments*
*because we’re rebels*
This is the story we made together. At first we did it word by word, but then we ended up writing our own sentences. It was much easier and more fun that way. Our first two “drafts” were what we declared to be cringy. But our final draft proved to be a precious witty little smol story that we had much too fun writing. Read through all the drafts and see how this beauty evolved into the precious witty little smol story it is now.
Be warned that it doesn’t really make sense, but SENSE DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.
Make sure to visit Cas’s blog; it is simply an amazing blog! Plus, her graphics are #goals??? Excuse me while I go cry.
*graphic courtesy of the amazing Cas and her #goals designing skills
LE COLOR KEY
The illustrious Mango Queen who is loved by all (aka me)
Some random girl’s name I forgot??? Cass??? Cassie???
Once upon a time, there was a very strange girl. She loved eating hamburgers and drinking milkshakes. Nobody liked her. She just wanted to be loved.
“What are you doing?” cried the little boy.
“Um, what do you think I’m doing?” I said.
“I don’t know, killing someone?”
I glared at him as he stuck his tongue at me.
“Wow, mature,” I replied with a laugh. “You are so funny, like, oh my gosh, you could be a comedian.”
The blade easily cut through his skin, causing him to scream. His hair gleamed brilliantly in the sun, still perfect despite him dying. She didn’t remember anything about that moment except for his perfect hair, and even as she walked away with a grin on her face, her mind kept wandering back to his hair, his hair, his hair. Years after the incident, it was still all she could think about, making her grow restless. Even in sleep, his hair haunted her, showing up in dreams and flopping around tauntingly.
Eventually, she decided it was time to get help as she knew his gorgeous hair would be the death of her, and she could never let something so cruel happen to her. So she visited the counselor, who gave her no helpful advice, the florist, whose flowers did nothing helpful for her dear nostrils, and the psychic, who only told her that his hair would follow her throughout her whole life. After visiting everyone she thought could help with no luck, she began to think it was all useless. Her life would forever (and everly) revolve around the man’s flawless hair. Ready to return home, she called an uber driver. It was this ride with this uber driver that changed everything. He told her that in order to get rid of this man’s hair was to get rid of the hair itself. Keeping his advice in mind, she told him to drop him off at the cemetery, where she knew the body was. The car rolled to a stop in front of a lonely tree where she got off after paying and thanking and hugging and bowing to the lovely driver.
She took a deep breath, kneeled down on the wet dirt, and spit at the man’s grave, and it was then, during her spitting spree, that she realized she had no shovel to dig into the ground. Tired of going back and forth between 5 different places, she decided there was no other option; she must use her hands and fingernails to dig.
And so she did. She dug and dug, waiting for the glorious moment when she finally found the body. Night turned into day and day turned into night, and she still dug, knowing she couldn’t stop until she got rid of the hair. For weeks at a time, she dug, unwilling to give up what could be her last chance of getting rid of the persistent hair curse. Anyone who walked by the cemetery could hear her digging, but upon seeing her dirty skin and wild eyes, they left her alone. Her story became a popular one amongst the youngins, and many people even considered her a celebrity. Still, nobody dared to go near her.
And then finally, her hands found the body. Found the hair that had tortured her for all those years and chased her everywhere. Seeing those beautiful black locks made her eyes wet with tears… at last, the haunting would come to an end! She reached down, intending to grab the man’s hair and rip it out, but instead, something reached up and caught her wrists.
She looked down and realized his hair had wrapped itself around her wrists, aching to pull her down. A scream welled up inside her throat, but no sound came out as another lock of hair whipped out to her face and wrapped around her mouth.
Knowing this was her demise, but not yet ready to die, she pulled out her handy dandy scissors that she always kept in her back pocket for emergencies much like this one, and forcefully opened and closed them in a threatening manner. The attacking hair slunk back, if only for a moment, and she reached forward and cut off as much hair as she could―only to find, to her horror, that it grew back, and grew and grew and grew. A look of terror flashed over her face as she saw the hair rise, forming a giant mouth.
“You,” it spoke, in a large, booming voice.
“Me?” she replied timidly, although she knew perfectly well there was literally nobody else there because they were all scared of her even though they should actually be terrified of this hair.
It made a noise similar to a snort, and said, “Yes you, is there anyone else here?”
She shook her head, too spooked to reply.
“I am the Almighty Hair King and―why are you not bowing down to me?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know!” She immediately dropped into a kneel, bowing her head down as her fingers twitched uncontrollably. Despite not having any eyes, the hair looked at her, satisfied.
“The reason you have been tortured by me is because you were astonished by my amazingness, and you could not comprehend how great I could look, but fear no more! Due to my super coolio mind-reading powers, I know that you now understand just how supreme I really am.”
“Shut up,” she muttered, and the hair arched an eyebrow… or what resembled an eyebrow.
“How dare you speak to me in that tone?!” She was about to reply with a not-so-heartfelt apology before the hair wrapped around her head, and she screamed. She struggled, trying to loosen its grip to breathe, but she failed to do so.
“I was going to let you go free, but just because of the comment, I’ll haunt you forever now―say hello to your new hair.”
A gasp loud enough to be heard halfway across the world escaped from her mouth as the luscious hair placed itself atop her crusty head. And all of a sudden, everything disappeared, and all she could see was white, white white, giving everything up to this glorious hair, this wondrous hair, including her life.
The moral of the story is, friends, that whenever you are killing someone, make absolutely sure that no part of them is overly perfect (especially their hair). Or you will be forever plagued with that perfectness, and no one wants that, do they???
Well, we MAY * have gotten out of hand with the weird cringy talking hair, but honestly, we were so witty and hilarious that I could not be more proud. *twirls crown* Now you see why I am the Mango Queen???
(Also, in case you didn’t see, but I AM THE ONE WHO STARTED THE WHOLE HAIR THING. THE WORD “HAIR” IS IN FUSCHIA AND I STARTED THIS WHOLE LOVELY STORY. Thank you.)
(I thought the last draft would end up with this awesome dark and stabby story, but what we came up was even better. *crying emoji*, as Cas would say.)
* omg i made a pun without intending to i’m so proud
aren’t cas and i so cringy? *cringes* but didn’t you just LOVE our hair story??? have you ever written a short silly/witty/amazing story like this with a friend? how did it end up? and do YOU have perfect hair??? (be careful, frens)