Being Embarrassed Over Things You Should be Proud of Ft. Self-Help!! (And Calling Myself Out For Being a Coward)

People generally have a lot of things to be proud of.

I say generally because there are SOME people who should be ashamed of themselves (especially if they don’t like mangoes). But usually most people should be proud of who they are and what they’ve done in their life??

But. Sometimes they’re NOT proud, when they should be. Sometimes they’re ashamed of things that they should be satisfied with. Sometimes they hide things that they need to shout to the world about.

“They” is a lot of people, including me. (SADLY.)

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This is a really weird post??? It’s some weird analyze-yourself-and-your-soul-and-mind-and-body!!! discussion thing. I don’t usually talk about things like this, but you know, diversity. I’m still screaming about mangoes tho.

I don’t mean to call out anyone but myself (hello self-hatred) but I just wanted to discuss this because it’s something I’ve been thinking of recently. And I wanted to see if anyone else had these strange deep thoughts????

But I also want to slightly help myself you get better at not being embarrassed at things? I mean, it probably won’t work. But I will try.

ALSO. I ramble and rant a lot in this post. Sorry. I tried to make it funny but I failed. (As usual.)

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EMBARRASSED ABOUT: READING

Okay, so I’m USUALLY not ashamed of saying that I read books. In fact I get to boast that I read about 100 books each year??? Whereas people read like 1??

And then I get judged for being a nerd but like,, I AM a nerd??? So it’s fine.

BUT. There are some people who actually HATE and DESPISE reading (are they even human) so then you get judged for being weird because they can’t understand you. Of course, I end up screaming at them and wondering why they don’t like to read. Because HOW.

Oh and there also is the whole hiding-books-from-the-public-because-it-has-a-weird-or-ugly-cover-or-it-is-a-book-I-will-get-judged-for-reading thing. Which SUCKS because we should be proud of what books we read* and not feel like we might get judged.

And then SOMETIMES, I just hide my book away from people because 1) I don’t want them to steal it, or 2) I don’t want them to think of the “bookworm” stereotype with glasses and books. Like yes, that is who I am, but no, that is not all of me!!!!

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*Even books titled “How to Commit Crime and Get Away With It“. (Yes, this is a book on Goodreads. No, it does not look very good. Or trustworthy.)

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EMBARRASSED ABOUT: WRITING

I totally get ashamed over writing. And it SUCKS.

I think we all know, deep down inside our cold little self-hating hearts, that we are GOOD writersAnd then there are the people who THINK they’re good but they’re actually not… HAHHAHA I said nothing.

And, knowing this, why are so many people afraid of sharing their writing and/or talking about their love for writing??

Here’s a list of reasons why because we all know lists are superior to everything. Even me. I know, can you believe it.

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  • our writing is our SOUL. we pour ourselves into our writing whether we know it or not, and sharing a part of you with someone else is so difficult (almost as hard as sharing mangoes).
  • we get judged?? for being a writer??? I don’t know why people think of writers in a bad way because they work SO SO hard??? we just get horribly judged and let’s face it,, everyone hates being judged.
  • people think we’re nerds. again, we probably are nerds. but that’s beside the point.
  • we have this fear that people will hate our writing and trash it. this is a COMPLETELY VALID fear, but we need to realize that most people are very supportive!! and we can just share it with the people we KNOW will be kind to us.
  • writing is just hard man can we not talk about it.

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But yeah. I hide my writing from many people who I love and trust (family, friends, etc.) because I have SO MANY FEARS AND ANXIETIES about sharing it. Or even just talking about it.

And like I said earlier, deep down we all know that we’re somewhat good writers.* So WHY ARE WE HIDING OUR WRITING????

I mean, we don’t HAVE to share our writing. But is it possible that we can talk about it?? Maybe?? It’s like talking about books, right? We’re just talking about something we love altho that may be why we don’t like discussing it omg why am I roasting myself.

*Winning writing contests also helps with that self-esteem. No, this was not in reference to me at all. Yes, I’ll shut up now.

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EMBARRASSED ABOUT: BLOG / ONLINE LIFE

Ohhhhhh this one is huge.

I DO NOT talk about my blog. I DO NOT talk about my online life. I only talk about my blog + Goodreads + internet life with online friends or people who know about my blog. A few of my irl friends know about my blog, but I don’t talk to them much about it.

But to be completely honest?? One big shame of my life (I have many, unfortunately) is my blog.

I have almost 1K followers (!!1??!?$#@!) and I’ve made so many blogging friends and yet??? I do not actually TALK about my blog. At all.

In fact, whenever someone says the word “blog” out loud, I tip my head down, pretend to look disinterested, and shuffle my feet, when really my heart is beating really fast and I’m sweating and I’m praying that the conversation will be over soon because I’m fragile and I can’t handle this type of nervousness.

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Anxiety? Yes. Fear? Yes. But whyyyyyyyyyyyy.

I think, for a similar reason as not talking about my writing, that my blog is a part of me. I can’t think of myself without thinking of my blog??? (Or mangoes, in that case.)

And if someone were to HATE my blog, that’d be like hating me. And I don’t experience a lot of hate towards me because I don’t stand out I’m an A+ human being, so that HURTS.

At the same time, I am so different on my blog than I am in real life. Irl, I am shy. I don’t like talking to people I don’t know. I get freaked out that I’ll say the wrong thing, or say something that’ll make me look bad/weird/etc. I’m afraid I’ll embarrass myself, which is why I don’t try to be funny in real life.

If people who know me irl look at my blog, I know they’ll be surprised. “What??? Who is this person?? I can’t believe she’d do this? This is SO not her. Also what is with her obsession of mangoes.

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Because in truth, I am a stereotype. I’m known as the “smart kid*”—I’m not lying or trying to brag or anything. I like being smart, yes, but I hate how it’s the only thing I’m known for.

I think that if people see that this “smart kid” has a blog and goes on the internet and doesn’t just sit around and do homework every day, they’ll be surprised and shocked. And it’ll just be another kick in the face about how everyone sees me as just one part of myself.

*This is not helped with the fact that I am ASIAN and Asian kids usually have the typical Asian parents who care a lot about grades so like !!! not helping !!!

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HOW TO: NOT BE EMBARRASSED

Of course, there are some things that I want to show off. Whoa, Smart Kid did how many push-ups??? Smart Kid can do the splits?????

AND THAT’S GREAT. I know that I’m proud of at least one thing about myself.

But what about all the other parts?

This is my attempt to help myself you be more confident in yourselves. I think self-confidence and having pride in yourself is super important (despite me not having any???).

I think a huge part of being embarrassed is because of how we’re afraid how people will react. And we can’t control that. SO, it may be hard. but you got this!!!

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  • think about the GOOD reactions!! people will love your writing, your blog, etc. and they’ll appreciate you more for it.
  • think about the BAD reactions, and then think about how you can react to those. will it be the end of the world? no!*
  • think about why you should be proud, instead of embarrassed. focus on the “good”s of those things instead of the “bad”s.
  • laugh at your failures. HUMOR HELPS.
  • take it slowly. your embarrassment won’t disappear in one night! in fact, it might not even all disappear. but if you’re a LITTLE proud, over time, that’s good!
  • find people who will support you. it may actually be easier if those people are online friends (it’s easier for me at least), so start with them!
  • don’t push yourself to be proud in something. it may take time. don’t strain your mental health (or physical health) to be proud of something that may be hard for you to.
  • take none of my tips to heart. because they all suck.

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But again, just because you’re confident in your blog/writing/reading/whatever DOESN’T mean that you can or have to tell everyone about it. Being proud is enough. (Unless it isn’t for you?? Or you WANT to tell everyone about it?? In which case be my guest!)

Now I don’t know what I’m achieving by writing this post. But it’s been something on my mind and I feel like it’s something important to talk about, not as readers, or writers, or bloggers, but as whole human beings with only one life to live.

(Okay that was enough sap to last me a year. GO BE CONFIDENT. OR NO MANGOES.)

*As a person who gets really anxious with things that involve the possibility of rejection, I TOTALLY get that it may not be the end of the world, but your mind can make it seem like it is. Try to recognize that it will be all right, because it truly will.


shall we chat

so, what are some things that you should be proud of but are instead EMBARRASSED of? why? do you think you can fix it? how? (wow this really is a self-help blog omg) did you enjoy this type of rambly post, or never again do you want to read something like this? TELL ME ALL YOUR THOUGHTS, THIS IS A DISCUSSION!!!

P.S. also, a HUUUUUGE thanks to my lovely friend Ju @ Blots of Ink and Words, for proofreading this and helping me out with cutting out all the rants and just making it better!! you suck rock <333

P.P.S. if i’ve offended anyone, i’m truly sorry, because i just wanted this to be a discussion but may have not used my words very well!!

sign off 2.0

112 thoughts on “Being Embarrassed Over Things You Should be Proud of Ft. Self-Help!! (And Calling Myself Out For Being a Coward)

  1. THIS POST WAS SO GOOD!!! I can honestly relate so much to this. I find that this is one of those things that if you are embarrassed about something you are good at it ‘makes you accepted in society’. Like if there’s something you do well and somebody says ‘oh you’re really good at that’, you HAVE to say ‘oh I’m not really that good’ and be all embarrassed, because if you agree with them it’s just considered rude and makes you look like you think you’re better than everyone else-when in reality it’s not true you’re just proud! You explained this all so well and I can definitely relate to the reading one-I’m the person who is always reading books and people just always sigh and raise their eyebrows at me as if I’m really weird and anti-social…also the smart kid one-I get so much hate from people who don’t really know me just because I actually pay attention in lessons, and the most annoying thing is that that’s all they see-the nerd. I loved the tips and it’s so great that somebody brung this topic up! I just realised how long this comment is…oops… -Kat 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m so glad you could relate to my post!! And YESSSS exactly!! It’d be seen as rude and immodest and not humble if we were to say “I know!” or something like that. (Unless we say it in a joking way.) I mean, can’t we be a little proud of ourselves?? It doesn’t mean we’re OVERLY proud of ourselves.

      Ahahaha, I don’t get that much hate?? I just get a lot of comments like “oh I bet she got a good grade”. And then when I tell them that actually, I DIDN’T get a score of 100 (which happens sometimes!!), they’re like, “WHAT I GOT MORE THAN YOU????” Like, do you WANT me to feel pressured, god.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I know!! It was mostly last year I got loads of annoying people just making fun of me because I actually wanted to learn…they didn’t do it as much once I ignored them…but I get the whole test thing as well, people are always asking me for the answers in every lesson and when I tell them that I honestly have no idea they think I’m lying! I’m like HONESTLY, I HAVEN’T GOT THE ENTIRE KNOWLEDGE IN THE UNIVERSE PROGRAMMED INTO MY HEAD!…

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I honestly loved this post! 🙂 I completely relate to all of this. Especially my blog. I had a complete freak out once when I realized if you google my name my blog comes up, even though I never shared any personal info on it?! I don’t think I’ll ever want to necessarily share my blog with people I know IRL (besides a couple friends) but this post has helped me feel a little prouder of it. Thank you so much, May!❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omg that’s really creepy??? How does a name search bring up your blog if you’ve only revealed your first name… XD And yeah, same! I mean, maybe one day I won’t be anxious about sharing stuff about my blog irl, but not now. I’m so glad this post helped you, Olivia! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. AHA THIS IS TRUTH! I never talk about my blog irl. When I decide to actually tell people I get really nervous and feel half like I’m going to be sick and half like I’m going to cry *never ending sigh*

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  4. It’s always interesting to read posys like these as it makes me see just differently people view themselves and those around them.

    Reading or writing (even less so after I got a book published) have never been things I have been embarassed about. I have always seen the latter as somewhat of a bragging point.

    But after reading your post, I can see how people view both things differently. Very interesting read!

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  5. oohhh this is sooo relatable!! I don’t talk about my blog with others irl either… pretty much only my fam barely know about it lol. for me, I’m not embarrassed about writing or reading because I’M PROUD OF IT.

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  6. Um yes, about the blog I hav-*cough cough* DO NOT HAVE. NO BLOGS HERE.

    Yes, I have a blog.
    And I hate talking to people about it! It’s easier on the internet. It’s like: hey I have a blog, here’s a link that I’m sticking in a place you probably won’t see and click.
    irl, I never talk about it. I mean, my family knows about it-and for some weird reason, likes to talk about it-but I only allow myself to get dragged into a talk if it’s my parents, cause duh, they’re my parents; gotta listen to them. 😆
    I have the same problem with the whole ‘expecting good grades’ thing as well. Everything I do has to be 80+. 😑 (So if I get one bad grade, and my average sinks like the Titanic because grades always go down fast and up slow, I freak out. It’s that bad.)

    Liked by 3 people

    1. EVERYTHING IS EASIER ON THE INTERNET. Irl I wouldn’t have the courage to talk to strangers, but here?? I pretty much talk to strangers all the time. :’) And yeah, my fam knows about my blog but we don’t talk about it a lot. (Only with my sis lol.)

      Oh I don’t really expect good grades?? I mean, I usually have really high grades so I kind of DO expect that I’ll get good grades, but it’s more that OTHERS expect me to get them. Hahaha for me, I like to keep things 90+! 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  7. i can relate to all of this.
    i mostly don’t get ashamed of my books; but when i lived in germany i found myself hiding sophie’s choice while i read in a waiting room because…well, awkward…
    i definitely do not enjoy showing my writing to people because it is a part of me and it’s like i’m standing there naked in front of them and it makes me anxious. i mean i like to know when it’s good; but…sharing is hard. lol
    and i also don’t like to talk about my blog to people in real life. and if they mention it i’m always a little surprised like ‘OH you actually read it?!’ lol
    great post! thanks for sharing your yearly does of sap with us. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hmmm, I don’t know what book Sophie’s Choice is, but yeah, I feel the need to hide my books from the public too haha!

      And yes, exactly! Writing is a part of my soul and to have it vulnerable to hate from people… it gives me anxiety. Omg I haven’t told enough people about my blog for them to mention reading it ahaha!

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  8. Hardly anyone irl knows about my blog! It’s like your blog is where you can be whoever you want to be without anyone judging you. I might low key have a little dream of becoming an beauty influencer in the future (which might not happen, but if it does this blog would help) and when people ask I am like I don’t know. I guess if you make a blog you should be proud but it’s hard when you feel like you will be judged. Loved the post xx

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  9. This post is my personal aesthetic. Like someone at my co-op asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up and I was all “uhh… I like music, acting, andalsowriting”. And haha yes the rambling was perfect because it was so relatable. #secretinternetlivesftw

    Liked by 2 people

  10. This is so true, especially the blogging piece! I recently told 3 of my IRL friends about my blog (after much hesitation) and they’ve been so supportive and all. I feel like sometimes we overthink these types of things and there really is nothing to be embarrassed about! Anyways great post May!

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  11. I am 170% all of these, and IT’S SO HARD. Even as you get older (I’m 28) it’s still super taboo only in some ways MORE SO because then it’s “why do you read YA that’s for kids” and “are you srsly still writing why bother you’ll get get anywhere at your age” and well I don’t talk about my blog because it has to do with both reading and writing and nope. I actually have a friend who is lovely and sweet and wouldn’t judge who found one of my online blogs YEARS ago and I immediately panicked and deleted that blog because *hides*.

    Honestly though it’s so hard to DO YOU out there when there are loads of people following the stream. Even if you identify as a nerd (I always have), now that it’s “cool” to be a bit geeky, if you’re not 10000% in (cosplays, comic books, sciency scienceness, w/e) then you’re a poser. And I just want to scream FOOLS I WAS HERE FIRST.

    Meanwhile I’m a dork in the corner obsessing over Harry Potter and Disney and excuse me while I hide from the mobs I’m an adult I swear.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. AGH. I feel bad for all the adults reading YA bc they get judged so bad!! Like LET PEOPLE READ WHAT THEY WANT. (But then if you’re young and read all the old stuff, you get the same kind of judgement. 😭)

      And UGH YES. I can be a nerd or geek even if I don’t cosplay or am obsessed eith science or whatever!!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. OKAY BUT FOR REAL THE ONE ABOUT EMBARRASED ABOTU WRITING HIT ME I….object

    stop being embarrassed and go be fabulous okay I didn’t raise you any other way (I don’t think ive told you this before but mangos are meh, like theyre great but only on occasion)

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Ughhhh yes I can relate to all of these things! Especially the writing bit omg I’m so INSECURE about my writing and I don’t want to share because I feel like everyone will judge me??! Even tho I know no one will but STILL it’s scary to put yourself out there!

    And talking about my blog…. IS A BIG NO. I haven’t even told my family about it and I’ve been doing this for AGES now. I’ve been meaning to tell them when I first started out but then I forgot and I got so invested in it and now… idk??? I might actually tell the tonight lol I HAVE A SUDDEN URGE XD

    Fantastic post May (as always) and yay for getting help from Juuuuu ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahahhaha I feel you!! I’m getting better at sharing my writing with online friends but not so much irl… :’) WE WILL LOVE YOUR WRITING but take your timeeeee. ❤

      WOW JACKIE YOU'RE AN ADULT YOU NEED TO SET AN EXAMPLE FOR THE YOUNGERS. (Actually if you're an adult you're pretty independent… 😂)

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I’m so happy you wrote this, May. I could see myself in every single thing you said, despite our differences, age, country, lives and everything, we have like the same issues and insecurities and RELATABLEEEEEEEEEEEE. I’m feeling less alone now ahah, thank you. ❤ It's crazy how we are embarrassed about things that should make us proud, happy, unique, in a way, and it's funny how hard it is to talk about these kind of things. I'm terrified of talking about my writing, I don't do it much on the blog and online already and in real life, basically no one knows except for my sister that I actually wrote a book. Well, an unedited WIP but it counts?! Haha. ANYWAY LIFE IS HARD.
    But you're not alone, and you should be proud and scream out loud that you're amazing and loving mangoes, MAY, you are the best. There are so many things to be proud of, your blog is SO AMAZING, you have incredible ideas for your writing and also your writing is gorgeous (even if I haven't read it – much of it – I need your books now), you're an amazing reader and BE A PROUD MANGO, I am proud of you ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m so glad you could relate, Marie!! And yes, it’s just so weird and so odd and UNNECESSARY that we are embarrassed by things we shouldn’t be! I guess we’re so afraid that other people’s reactions will ruin that thing for us?? And yes, I feel you! No one really knows about my novel & writing life except for a few people, online and offline.

      Oh my god, MARIE YOU ARE TO SWEEEEEEET. 💕💕💕 Anfjalkfjakfksjd why are you this kind to me???? Thank you so so much aghagagh oh my godddd. 😭😭 You’re an amazing blogger and writer and overall human being too, Marie!! ALDJSJKFKSJFHWLADS 💖💖💖

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  15. I LOVE this post May. 😀 When I was younger I used to get embarrassed by how much I read, simply because I was afraid of being seen as a nerd actually, but I grew out of that and now I like the fact that I read so much and everyone knows. I tend to get a lot of books and vouchers as birthday presents now people know which is so helpful given how much I spend on books. 🙂
    I also love your tips. For me I just grew out of being embarrassed, but I get people probably want to step out their shell before ageing a good few years! 🙂 I’ll definitely keep a few of these tips in mind when it comes to blogging and writing, which are two things I still keep on the down low. 🙂
    Great post! 😀 ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahahaha, I think I’ve always been proud that I read a lot of books — I even wanted to read more! And YES. When people know you like books, they’ll gift you some. 😉

      Oh, that’s an interesting way you became not embarrassed, just growing out of it. Maybe one day that’ll happen for me? 😂 I hope you’ll one day tackle the hard task of sharing your writing and your blog, ahah! 💕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s handy because I buy a lot of books, so people buying them for me not only gives me brand new books to read but also saves my money so I can buy even more books! 😀
        Yeah I think I just grew a little more confident and realised I shouldn’t be embarrassed by something I love. I’m sure the same thing will happen with blogging and writing one day too. 🙂 ❤

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  16. This is a great post May! I can completely relate!
    For the most part, I’m not embarrassed of my reading, but sometimes I’ll read a certain book, and I’m just like “NOBODY can know I’m reading this!”, for whatever reason.
    And writing… hahahaha! Nobody in my family even knows I LIKE to write… It’ because they are ALL writers, and everyone was like, “So Iris, when are you going to write a book?” and I always responded that I wasn’t going to… But now I’ve changed my mind, and like writing, but I don’t want to admit it… Which I know is dumb, but… I’m embarrassed. And then I don’t write, because I don’t want them to stumble on it and read it…

    Personally, I wish no one I knew IRL read my blog. I would feel able to be way less careful with what I say. As it is, I sometimes don’t say things that I maybe otherwise would, because I know my parents are going to read it. They also think telling everyone they know about it is a good idea… every tie they mention it, I just want to disappear.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, I’m not THAT embarrassed of reading?? Except for a few times when I just KNOW people are judging me for having a book out (I hate when people judge me akdlsghksjfjs) and when there’s a specific book I don’t want people to see me reading. 😂

      Omg that’s so cool that your family is all writers???? I’d honestly love to have a family lile that, tho I totally get how pressuring it must be, and the lack of privacy there is since they want to read everything! 😂 Hope you’ll one day tell them about your writing! 💕

      Oh, barely anyone I know irl reads my blog (except for a friend or two who I absolutely trust). Agh that must suck!! One time my mom told the mailman about my blog… I mean he’s probably forgotten by now but STILL. 😭

      Liked by 1 person

  17. WOW this was an awesome post! Like- have you been examining my mind or what?! HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING TO MY PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS WITH MYSELF????
    Because you seriously addressed pretty much EVERYTHING I am insecure or embarrassed about.
    Especially the embarrassment about my blog, and the insecurities about my writing.
    Whenever (most) of my irl friends mention reading something on my blog, I get hot cheeks and look at the floor or at the ceiling or try to QUICKLY change the subject. Not like i have naythign on my blog to be ashamed of, but I feel awkward about it ’cause- idrk. Maybe because i’m completely myself on my blog, but like you I am shy and I don’t crack jokes around people (except my close family), and i do on my blog… so I feel kind of like my inner-self is revealed to people and they know everything about my personality and likes and dislikes.
    And I NEVER share my writing unless I feel pretty good about it. My dad asks to see it all the time, but I feel protective of my amateur-author-self and I don’t want to reveal my WIP until they’re DONE.
    So this post was so TRUE its not even funny. Thank you. ❤
    (sorry this comment is super long)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahahhaha a magician never reveals her secrets!! 😉

      YES YES YES EXACTLYYYY. I mean, my irl friends don’t really read my blog, and even if they would, they wouldn’t talk about it. But I TOTALLY get you about how we’re ourselves on our blogs — I think that if people irl that I didn’t want reading my blog actually found out about my blog, I’d stop blogging. D:

      I don’t even tell my parents what my novel is ABOUT tbh!! It’s just too much for me qldkajdjalkdkalds.

      Like

  18. Omg your tips at the end are lifesavers!!! I will definitely be using them, and I feel the sae way sometimes about blogging and writing. I think since they are non-traditional hobbies (kind of) it’s sometimes weird when people do them. Thanks for writing this post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  19. OF COURSE, I enjoyed this rambly post! Why? Well…mainly because it is SO SO SO SO SO SO RELATABLE! I totally agreed with everything in the “Embarassed About: Reading” Section, but tbh, the part that affected me the most is…the “Embarassed about: Blogging” Section. It’s so touching & meaningful to me, because, believe it or not, I’m EXACTLY 100% the EXACT SAME as you! I’m not exaggerating and I’m not kidding.

    We have something at school called “Study/Free” periods where we can do whatever and sometimes I use the time to blog. That’s normal, right? Then why do I always make sure to tilt my screen, lower my brightness & make sure that no one is sitting near me? WHY? One time, a friend told me what on earth are you doing on your laptop with all the typing and I swear my heart stared beating so so fast & I froze in horror, until I was able to muster that I’m doing business HW. #lies

    It’s not that I’m ashamed of my blog. No. No. No. In fact, I’m REALLY proud of it. But I’m always insecure about my blog whenever in the public, mainly because of all the reasons you said. My blog is 1 of the few places where I can be myself and truly enjoy it. I think of it like this ‘If anyone I know from school or whatever finds out about my blog, I will struggle to continue being myself.” I’m not sure why, but that’s me.

    Another issue that we are SO ALIKE in is…that I’m also known as “The Smart Student” in my school – they label me as the girl who does nothing but get good grades. WHICH IS TOTALLY NOT TRUE! I go to the mall, I know how to have fun, I watch movies & youtube, I sing & dance & listen to music, I loooove doing crafts & artsy stuff, and of course, I blog! I’m not just good at getting good grades! You know what I mean?

    I’m also VERY VERY VERY SHY in public. I swear. I get all shy whenever I talk to anyone, and I actually have a sign for it. Whenever I’m shy, I always ALWAYS touch my earring (for some odd reason)!! Do you have a sign?

    Sometimes I feel this has to do with self-confidence (it probably does), but more often than not…I personally feel that it has something to do with the people surrounding me. As a 15 Year Old (almost onto 16), my main environment is school. And the people at school…well, let’s just say that they aren’t supportive as all my friends on WP (including you!). The majority judge, label, sneer, gossip, joke, bully, and couldn’t care less about their grades. So if they ever find out about my blog…they’ll do all of the above combined. Add to the mix that I’m “the smart kid” and things aren’t really going to go well. I know their way of thinking “Srsly? A Blog? Couldn’t you find anything more silly to do? You’re only good at being smart. How are you thinking?” – no one said this, but I’m pretty sure this is how they’d react. They wouldn’t get that blogging is an AMAZING experience – no they won’t.

    BUT, I have this 1 friend who knows that I have a blog, and actually gives me my privacy. She’s never asked me for the URL, never asked to read a post, never asked anything or forced me to something I might be uncomfortable about, and that makes me happy. These are the type of friends I seriously need more of (physically). The WP community fulfilled all my virtual needs – now I just need more of physical.

    So, the feeling is a result of a mixture of things. Confidence, people around you etc.

    THANKYOU for the tips – they’re really helpful! ❤❤❤❤

    GREAT GREAT GREAT POST! 😍 😊😊
    Oh, and CONGRATS on almost reaching 1K FOLLOWERS! THAT’S AMAZING MAY!

    *looking back over my comment*

    (OMIGOD! I think I wrote enough to fit a blog post – I’m so so so sorry for all the rambling. I just had so much to respond with – so much bottled up within me. I wanted to let you know that there are others out there..living in a different continent…who feel the same. Again, sorry for the loooooong comment!)

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Wow, okay. Reading this long comment just made my day omg!! I’m so so happy that you were able to relate so deeply and it makes me feel less alone in my struggles! And yes I TOTALLY agree. I am more of myself on my blog than at school, and I’d honestly probably stop blogging if people from school were to find out about my blog. 😦

      Yeah, lots of my issues come from self-confidence as well! I’m trying to be more positive of myself but it’s really hard, especially when I think of what people may think of me. A lot of times it’s the people around me — like you said — that makes me insecure, which REALLY SUCKS bc we should all be loving and kind and supportive of one another!!!

      Anyways, thank you SO SO much for this comment. It truly made my day. 😊💖💖

      Like

  20. I feel bad commenting because I have nothing to add because … I am pretty proud? At least of blogging and reading and writing. Not so proud of my real-life self, though. xD But that’s a different matter entirely.

    so, what are some things that you should be proud of but are instead EMBARRASSED of?:
    Uh … I can’t think of anything? I guess sometimes I can be embarrassed about my blogging when I actually care, but it’s become less and less important to me??? And I feel bad about my reading choices (#narrowreader #justhistoricalfiction #itsasickness #canthelpmyself #icantstophashtagging) sometimes, but … I don’t know if I’m supposed to be proud of that? 😛

    did you enjoy this type of rambly post, or never again do you want to read something like this?:
    I really enjoyed it! I thought it was great.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah no, don’t feel bad for commenting!! I’m glad you’re proud of your reading and writing and blogging (and I hope you’ll soon be proud of your real-life self!).

      Haha it’s good that blogging has become less important to you!! (That sounds wrong… you know what I mean. 😂)

      Glad you enjoyed the post!!

      Liked by 1 person

  21. This post helped me so much. I’m a very shy person, my friends may tell a different story, so this post actually helped me figure out that I am very nervous about my writing, like I agree with the fact that its such a huge part of me so I get really nervous about it. So anyway thanks May! (Insert smile face emoji I cant because I’m on a computer)

    Liked by 1 person

  22. I never really consciously thought of this until I realised that I pretty much hide my fangirl self, my blog and anything fandom or book related from my family (aside from my siblings who pretty much know every secret which I still don’t know how?) so definitely something to think about. Although I’m not sure if I’m embarrassed so much as afraid. But I think the same things apply?

    Liked by 1 person

  23. RELATE. RELATE. RELATE. RELATE. RE-FRICKING-LATE.
    To everything. everything. everything.
    I’m embarrassed to tell people I read YA because a lot of people think that its immature and not real literature. And they can suck it.
    I’ve never shared my writing with anyone. Except one author which was through email, so I never got a facial reaction.
    Only my sisters and one cousin know that I have a blog. I am a completely different person online, so I fear that Rendz will kind of raise questions of who I am irl.
    Shout out from your fellow “smart kid” (The pressure is real) There is so much more to me than just being smart (oh and I also get “nice”, no “exciting”or “fun”)

    The advice is solid May. I think I might try working some of it on myself! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Ahh this post put a smile on my face because I can definitely relate to feeling embarrassed of all of these things and even avoid taking out books in public because I feel like I get weird glances from everyone around me. And I’ve told maybe 2-3 people at most about my blog, which is ridiculous given how much I have grown to love the online world. Thank you for sharing this and all of your tips on how to avoid this rather irrational embarrassment!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad you were able to relate, Maria!! Yess, sometimes I just leave books in the car because I hate to get those weird glances at me… And yeah, I’ve barely told anyone irl about my blog either, despite how much I love it! So glad that you found the tips helpful ❤

      Like

  25. This is so relatable!! Just today, my best friend was asking me why I’m so insecure about my writing and I couldn’t put it into words so!! And whenever another friend mentions my blog in front of people who don’t know about it, I get an ACTUAL PANIC ATTACK. I love this post!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. OMG THE LEVEL OF EMBARRASSMENT ABOUT ALL OF THESE THINGS IS SO RELATABLE!! It took me 2 years of having a blog before I told a single soul and even now I won’t let anyone have the link because I don’t want them to judge me for what I write (plus my blog posts are relative trash lol)
    also writing is so embarrassing to talk about because everyone thinks you’re weird for liking to write, and then if they don’t they want to read it and WHAT IF IT SUCKS.
    I def need to get over all of this but it’s very difficult lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’M GLAD YOU COULD RELATE!!! And omg 2 years??? I’m glad you’re a LITTLE more confident now! (And noooo your posts aren’t trash. <3)

      It's so weird??? It's like "oh… you write" in a condescending way, and then the next moment they're ASKING TO READ YOUR WRITING like are you trying to make me feel twice as horrible????

      Liked by 1 person

  27. MAY WHAT AN AMAZING POST?!

    I totally agree with you here. Yes, only a few of my irl friends know about my blog and I don’t talk to any of them about it.

    For me, I’m not so embarrassed about writing, but songwriting. I’m much more open about sharing my writing (still not that open though) but pretty closed off with my songs. As you said, I pour my heart and soul into it and yes, don’t want to be criticised or told it’s horrible. I’m trying to become more open about it so I can get some good feedback from people with valuable opinions, but it’s hard as my songs are so personal.

    Thanks for this fabulous post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. THANK YOU!! ❤

      Yeah, only a few of my irl friends know about my blog, and that's because they also tried to start a blog (but have not, er, succeeded).

      I'm open to sharing my writing IF I think it's good, ahaha! And if I don't have to read it aloud. And yeah, I totally get how your songs would be a bit more personal to you! That's like my poetry to me, rarely anyone reads my most personal poems.

      Liked by 1 person

  28. MAYYYYYYYYY! How I have missed reading your rambling posts. *wipes a tear*
    I love this post for so many reasons! For some reason people tend to shy away from stuff that isn’t easy to talk about, and I’m glad that you decided to post something like this. It is so relatable on multiple levels.
    Since my blog is mostly impersonal, although one can argue that my writing reflects me and my mind space, plenty of people know about it irl. It does, however, limit me from possibly posting some stuff that I may have otherwise chosen to do so. Therefore, I think that balancing the need for anonymity while simultaneously being proud of your blog and wanting to talk about it, is a difficult thing to achieve. I don’t know of that made sense? But I find that though I have no issues talking about my blog if someone asks, I don’t volunteer the information myself. Nor do I talk about how i write, how i like to write either. It’s something deeply personal as well as a little nerve wracking to share?
    Also, that thing about being smart? OMG YES I AM SMART BUT THAT IS NOT ALL I AM! Would you please look beyond my stupid grades? They shouldn’t matter to anyone but me.
    I read in one comment of yours that people go like, ‘oh yeah, she must’ve scored well and then when you say you haven’t, they have that typical “omg, how come? I got more than you? yay”‘ type of reaction. So not only do you have to deal with the disappointment of not doing well (yes, i like scoring high, and no, I’m not ashamed to admit it), you have to deal with over the top reactions from other people too. AGGGHHH.
    Now that my rant is over, under the guise of sharing my opinion, I’d like to congratulate you on achieving 1k followers as well as writing this brilliant post. I loved it!
    Have a wonderful day! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. SUM!! I’m so glad you’re back aghahghag. ❤

      Oh, I didn't know a lot of people knew about your blog irl!! I would think that poetry is something close to you so you wouldn't share it, but that's cool that you do share it. I think if people I didn't want reading my blog actually READ my blog, I would post differently as well! And yes, I agree!! Sometimes I want to brag about my blog and other times I want to make it stay HIDDEN FOREVER.

      YESSSSS EXACTLY. When I score a little bit lower than I wanted to but then tell other people what I got because I really don't mind (well, on the outside — I care a lot on the inside), they're like WHOA HOW DID I DO THAT I GOT A HIGHER GRADE THAN YOU OMG. It's like?? I'm not perfect. And can you please not rub it in.

      Hahaha I haven't quite reached 1k yet but thank you! ❤ I'm so glad you enjoyed the post and that you're back!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yesss. I’m so happy to be back!
        The thing is, my blog didn’t start out as a poetry blog, I honestly never thought I’d post my poems up here, so when I initially told people about it, it was all cool, y’know? Although, I should probably mention that these people aren’t really reading my blog, lol. They just know about it. As for sharing now, I tell people I have a blog if they ask, but I don’t tell them which blog is mine anymore. Because ugh, self promo? And also, like, don’t want them judging my content? It’s a paradox in itself. Rn I’m pretty content to just write and talk to people in the blogosphere, I’m not really concerned about traffic (although who am I kidding, some traffic would be nice 😂). But on the whole, I find myself sometimes wanting to tell the entire world that I write and that they should maybe read and sometimes I just want to be like, write wut me?
        I’d like to say people get more mature about marks and stuff with age, but nope. I find that 13 year olds are just as bad as 18 year olds. Ugh. Clearly, maturity has nothing to do with age. People are always going to care about things that don’t concern them. And they’re always going to make a big deal of who scores how much.
        Well, you’ll get there in no time! There’s no reason for you not to! I really did enjoy this post, it was brilliant! ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  29. damn may getting real deep here aren’t you?

    i’m embarrassed of my blog. i don’t like talking about in real life at all. and the thing is, i don’t even want to change that. i don’t want to tell my friends about it because this is a part of me I don’t want to show them. i don’t want to gain confidence in something i don’t want to do.

    writing, however, is something i want to get confident about. i want to share my poems i want to speak about my novel. but the thing is i get this wave of anxiety every time i think of it. my stomach gets in knots. if eel queasy. i hope to just remember that people will like my writing and that its not “rubbish”. idont know if i can “fix” it but i’m going to try, thanks to you. I LIKE THIS POST. V DEEP.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. oh frick I thought you were like actually embarrassed of your blog and I was like YO WHY ARE YOU BLOGGING THEN and then I realized you were talking about irl hahahha. yes same!! only a few of my friends know about it, and like in private they’ll tease me a little, but it’s not that bad?? like i know they won’t tell. but I’m always super nervous about someone irl reading my blog (besides those couple of friends) bc I’m so much different on my blog than irl

      wait… what do you mean by “I don’t want to gain confidence in something I don’t want to do”. because if by “something you don’t want to do”, you mean blogging, WHY ARE YOU BLOGGING? (not to sound mean!!! just like, why are you blogging if you don’t want to do it, you know?)

      AAAAWWWW ILSA THAT’S SUCH A SWEET THING TO SAY AAGGHH. I totally agree with you!! I mean, I’m definitely not sharing my blog (until I grow more comfortable about it — which won’t happen for a long time) (but I will talk about it on college resumes lmao), but I can see myself sharing my writing!! and personally, I think my poems are closer to me than my novels?? but I feel like less people will like my poems than my novels. and I’m actually really lucky because I’ve talked about writing a few times at school — like people know me as a bookworm, but also a writer. and one time I actually talked about writing 15K words in a month (last NaNo) and they were all like whoa hahaha.

      this turned out to be longer than your comment I’m sorry!!!

      Like

      1. why u sorry? i love longer comment replies than my actual comment? I love long comments in general.

        okay i was feeling a little down and depressed while writing this comment sorry. i sound so dead and done with life. ahha. what i meant it…I NEVER WANT MY FRIENDS TO FIND OUT ABOUT MY BLOG. like with writing, I DO want to share it but…I’m too scared! But with blogging, I don’t think it’s the same thing as something I should be proud of. Of course I AM PROUD of blog but I don’t WANT to gain confidence for sharing my blog? IF THAT MAKES SENSE. Okay, I’m rambling here sorryyyy.

        none of my friends know about my blog and idk? I don’t think they should ever know tbh. I think I gave one friend the link two years ago but I’ve moved blogs now :DDDDDDD So HAHAH and she asked me the next year “do u still do that blogging thing?” and i was like “what? ohhh that thing? no.” wow i’m such a liarrr.

        no one seems to get my poems. so basically i entered this poetry competition (THEY NEVER ANNOUNCED THE WINNERS UGHHH) and i was debating whether to enter and then my friend was like “can i read ur poem” and the papers were in my hand and i was like “no.” in the end, she got it off me and read it and she didn’t get it? I MEAN, she’s not a fan of poetry but she was just like “yeah okay” like she didn’t know…what to say. I asked her about it later and she was like “yeah it was just like typical “DEEP” poems” and you know i just got a little annoyed. who knows, maybe i’m just unorginal and all “deep” poems are the same. BUT I know she meant well! I just got annoyed for no reason lol

        Liked by 1 person

        1. lmao I don’t REALLY understand what you’re saying but that’s okay!! if you don’t wanna gain confidence in sharing your blog, that’s completely valid 💕💕 I mean, one day I hope I’ll get to the point where I’m brave enough to talk about it in real life? but rn, thinking about doing that fills me with shame, dread, & embarrassment sooooo

          and that’s okay that your friends don’t know!! like, i think five friends know?? but they all have / used to have blogs, but I’m pretty sure some friends don’t care that I have a blog (they’re fine with it) and the others like my blog

          awww that sucks!! but yeah, poetry can be really hard to understand? that’s one of the reasons why I think I like it so much. I usually only share my poems with people who write poems themselves bc they’re more likely to get it & appreciate it. but jf you ever want to share your writing, you can ALWAYS send it to me!!! 💜

          Like

  30. I loved the list, who wouldn’t lol. We really do have so many things inside us to shout about and i really enjoyed you sharing your vulnerability at the same time as encouraging us to do the same.

    Like

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