May’s Moments of the Month: January // The New Year is New but Not Better, I Feel Dead, and I Struggle (a Lot)

January… was all over the place.

Like my whole life tbh???

2018 started out VERY STRONGLY. (Probably because for the first week, I had no school???) But then it quickly turned into a bad month as soon as I went back to school, and from then it’s just been up and down.

I’ve been having really weird moods lately, usually all of them relating to the “I feel dead about everything” mood. I’m at the point where I don’t get a lot of sleep, I procrastinate my homework, procrastinate everything, DO nothing, and feel kinda like “uhhh everything is pointless?”

The only thing I have strong (HAPPY!!) emotions about is talking to my friends, who are very nice usually and serve as a good distraction.

But !! I guess January did have SOME highlights? (Or this is me trying to be unrealistically optimistic.)

mmm reading

I read 7 books this month, and one of them was an online short story. I’M SO DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF UGGGHH. But tbh I actually have two causes for this, instead of me wondering where all my reading motivation went, and those causes are:

  1. I felt dead about everything, including reading.

(Okay just kidding, not even that horrible book deserves that.)

Looking at the star ratings as a whole for this month, the books I read weren’t that BAD? But everything felt SUPER slow because of that one particular book, and it kind of ruined everything for me.

Dear Martin  One  Finnikin of the Rock (Lumatere Chronicles, #1)

Reign the Earth (The Elementae, #1)  Moxie  Girls Made of Snow and Glass

star ratings link to reviews!!

  • Dear Martin Nic Stone // Y’all, this book!!! This is SO SO important, deserves more hype, and is just as much as a must-read as THUG! I absolutely loved it, and tho it was way too short, I finished it in just one day, which I’m proud of. ★★★★☆ [4.5]
  • One Sarah Crossan // Well. This (recommended) book of poetry was SO. SO. boring, and I almost fell asleep reading it multiple times. But then the ending was really heartbreaking?? And I got tears in my eyes??? Unfortunately, I’m mean and heartless so. ★★☆☆☆
  • Finnikin of the Rock Melina Marchetta // Apparently this is the month of reading Mays recommended books and being disappointed?? But while this one was so BORING and CONFUSING, it wasn’t necessarily bad!! Just,,, not amazing. ★★★☆☆
  • Reign the Earth S.C. Gaughen // I got this as an ARC from Julianna and I ended up LOVING IT??? I expected to give it like, three stars, but I enjoyed it so much. Characters, setting, plot were all amazing, even if there were heavy topics. ★★★★☆
  • Moxie Jennifer Mathieu // Yes for feminist books!!! This book was so empowering and said everything I wanted to say about feminism. Wish it had included moe intersectionality but it at least talked about it so that’s good! ★★★★☆
  • Girls Made of Snow and Glass Melissa Bashardoust // This was a beautiful story, and the writing was SO engaging. My only complaint is that it could’ve been waaay gayer?? ★★★★☆
  • Seventh Day of the Seventh Moon Ken Liu // I LOVE the queer Asian rep because YES!!! but the story itself wasn’t that amazing (tho I did love the Chinese mythology!) ★★★☆☆

In addition to the books I finished, I’m currently reading The City of Brass (ew), To Kill a Mockingbird (slightly less ew but still ew), and At the Edge of the Universe (so good)!! These were all started in January.



Thank you SO SO much to Sourcebooks Fire for sending me Furyborn, I am super excited to read it (especially because I’ve heard there is a bisexual main character)!! It sounds AMAZING, and while I didn’t love one of this author’s books before, I’m 90% sure I’ll like this one.

favorite book of the month?

Well, of course, it’s Dear Martin!! That book was SO important and I think that everyone needs to read it, whether you are white, POC, American, or not American. It holds such a significant message, especially today, and it’s just?? amazing???

disappointment of the month?

I haven’t finished this yet, but THE CITY OF BRASS CAN CHOKE I HATE IT I HATE IT. I kind of wanted to DNF, but I kind of don’t.

Honestly?? This was one of my MOST ANTICIPATED reads, and all my friends praising it added to my high expectations. I stroked this book when I got it. I mentally five-starred it. And what does it look like right now??? I DON’T KNOW, BECAUSE I DON’T EVEN WANT TO LOOK AT IT.

favorite review?

I wrote so many reviews this month???? I mean, I still have reviews to write from SEPTEMBER (can someone please like,,, choke me actually no choke City of Brass) but at least I got a few of my January books reviewed!!

My favorite review, obviously, is my Six of Crows review. Y’all, I’m not kidding, it took me AT LEAST FIVE HOURS to finish it. But I recounted all my favorite moments & favorite quotes (and added my own commentary of course), and every time I read it, I get this feeling of contentment. Because reading my own review* makes me relive Six of Crows, and reliving that book is one of the best experiences I’ll ever have.

*This sounds incredibly self-conceited, and I will assure you, it is.

mmm blogging

Well, first off, it was my one year-blogiversary!! I put up my new design (which I’m still kind of working on), had a Q&A (answers coming soon!) and also a feedback survey, which y’all can still take!! I can’t believe I’ve been in this community for only one year; it feels like so much longer?!

Oh and I also felt really dead about blogging (and everything in general) so that was SUPER FUN.


  • 8 posts
  • 83 WP followers + 2 email followers – 1 email follower (idk why I’m being so specific with this)
  • oh and on Jan. 22 (my blogiversary), I hit a record-breaking 446 views that day??? A;FLJSLDFKJASHJK

(Since September when I took a hiatus, my stats have kind of stayed in the same area, but now it just all increased for some reason??? THANK YOOOU.)

top posts of the month?

wp tips tricks  wp improvements  1 yr blogiversary

favorite post of the month?

2017 reading stats

That featured image is UGLY and literally has no color whatsoever??? But I enjoyed writing this post so so much—it was super fun to look back on my reading year and wrap everything up, and also make some graphs about stats and things like that!!

I’m a nerd, basically.

posts i loved?

  • Cait @ Paper Fury gave ten bookworm-related things we should leave behind in 2017 and I agree with all of them (especially the whole authors-in-reviewers’-spaces thing!!).
  • Ilsa @ A Whisper of Ink talked about not feeling like blogging anymore and it hit me so hard, but it’s such a beautiful and raw and real post.
  • Ju @ Blots of Ink and Words wrote a very nice year recap and we apparently met in May??? (Which is ICONIC, 10/10 @ our timing, now I’m officially hibernating until May so I can meet everyone only during my month.)
  • Marie @ Drizzle and Hurricane Books talked about why she doesn’t do monthly TBRs and I 100% agree with her!! Honestly, people who make TBRs are 1) very organized and 2) committed. I am neither of those things.
  • Emma @ In Search of Dragons wrote SUCH. A. GOOD. POST. about separating problematic creators from their content. I’m literally shoving everyone to go read this post, it’s such a fantastically written discussion aaahhhh!!
  • Analee @ Book Snacks discussed pressure to write “quality content” in the blogging world, and I found her words to be so true? Not enough of bloggers’ posts are “real” posts—you can see that my posts are often very bookish-related and not at all personal.
  • Lu @ It’s Lu Again talked about ARCs pertaining to bloggers and I SOOOO AGREEEE. I know that I definitely feel like getting ARCs makes me a more “worthy” blogger, and not getting makes me less worthy, but that’s not !! true !! at !! all !!
  • May @ My 1st Chapter returned from an unplanned hiatus (good job honey).

mmm writing.PNG

  • Okay. So this month, writing was a MESS.
  • You know how I made a plan for January through April, writing-wise?
  • Yeah, well. I killed that plan.
  • I ended up randomly getting a new WIP idea that I have literally FALLEN IN LOVE IN. (I won’t say anything about it yet except that it’s a queer gender-flipped Peter Pan retelling, which is already too much information.)
  • I’m SO SO excited to be planning this out and outlining it and writing it and !!! Already I can tell that this story will mean a lot more to me than other books I’ve written have and uGh I’m sO ExCITeD.
  • But my problem is that I have the motivation, but no inspiration. So all I’m able to do is type out in a document random things that I just say to myself and make absolutely no sense. So basically all my writing ever.
  • On top of that, I have the want to write poems, but no inspiration either!!! (Like I said, I was DEAD this month. DEAD.) My poems were decent at the beginning of January but then they just… got worse. (Which describes my whole life, basically.)
  • Here’s the snippets of the month because I need validation:

  • But I did do something that I was very anxious to do so I’m proud of myself for that!!!


  • First off, if you haven’t heard me ranting yet, I’VE BEEN DEAD. This whole month, I WAS DEAD. And if I wasn’t dead, I was anxious and going to be dead.
  • I blame school??? Like they expect me to go to school, do my homework, do extracurricular activities, AND not stress about it at all???? DID I MISS THE MEMO OR SOMETHING.
  • But yeah, my main focus has been school, and then I just kept procrastinating that and not even being productive with OTHER things (like blogging, reading, writing, reviewing, etc.). Who gave myself the right to do this to myself. I take back everything I said about being independent, SOMEONE CONTROL ME.*
  • I haven’t been getting much sleep (read above “procrastinating school”) which makes me tired which makes me walk around feeling dead. So I felt like so many things were pointless and I just had no motivation to do them.
  • At the end of the month, I stopped being dead when my anxiety got really bad, over something stupid, and I had a brief panic attack. So, uh, THAT WAS FUN!
  • (And thank you to everyone’s support over that, you all are so amazing and kind, and your words mean so much to me.)
  • Okay wow I thought I had a lot more life things but apparently it was just me being dead all month???

*But the question is, who can control me.

mmm old goals.PNG


  • read at least 7 books  (I’m surprised that January-1-me knew that I’d only be able to read this much? like during the month I was like I CAN READ 9 BOOKS, but apparently, nope)
  • write & upload at least 5 reviews ✓ (I’M SO PROUD OF MYSELF!! I wrote & uploaded seven reviews to Goodreads this month, and tho I still have lots to write, I can’t believe I actually managed to do this)
  • keep track of reading stats in a spreadsheet  (this is so much fun I just want to keep adding books to the spreadsheet even tho I haven’t read them???)


  • come up with an actual plot for Glittered Ghosts  (HAHAHHAHAH YEAH BYE GLITTERED GHOSTS SEE YOU NEVER)
  • write more poetry  (uhhhhh. no)
  • do a little… something  (so I talked about a “reveal about writing” and I only ended up revealing it to a few friends and not everyone here because even then with my friends I was anxious sooooo)


  • reach 1,150 followers??  (THANK YOU SO MUCH I’M SO SURPRISED I REACHED THIS!!)
  • implement my new blog design!!  (y’all it’s so pretty I love it)
  • CELEBRATE MY ONE-YEAR BLOGIVERSARY  (so this was not a real goal… but I sTILL DID IT)


  • drink 1 water bottle each day  (I think I drank a decent amount of water each day so I’m checking this, for the FIRST TIME EVER)
  • straighten back at least 1 time a day  (there were days I did, and days I didn’t, but I’m checking it because I like validation)
  • get 9 hours of sleep at least once a week  (hahahhahahaha)

mmm new goals.PNG


  • read at least 9 books (okay I don’t think I’ve read this many books since like,,, September?? and I REALLY WANT TO READ LOTS OF BOOKS UGH)
  • write & upload at least 5 reviews (this should probably be a higher number but I procrastinate)
  • enjoy myself more? (this month was a very dead month concerning everything, but especially reading. I’ve been slump-ish for so many months and I jUST WANT TO LOVE READING)


  • plot my WIP & maybe start outlining it? (I am so so so excited to start writing this but first I have to think of a good plot… I might be here a while)
  • write more poetry (I really want to achieve this goal this time!!)
  • write 4K short story for writing contest (I really suck at short stories I’m going to Die)


  • reach 1,200 followers (I don’t know how much I’ll be posting this month so getting 40 followers seems like a reasonable amount to aim for I think?)
  • finalize other design elements (I have to make a mini divider thing but it should be really simple, but that’s all I can think of?)
  • COMMENT & REPLY TO COMMENTS ON TIME (I procrastinated SO BAD in January about posts and comments, and now I have 324205854 posts AND comments to catch up on fjsldfjlsdjfds)


I’m not even doing commentary for these goals anymore you know what they are

  • drink 1 water bottle each day
  • straighten back at least 1 time a day
  • get 9 hours of sleep at least once a week

mmm looking ahead.PNG

Dance dance dance! My team’s spring show is coming up in March, and these last few Saturdays are our last few rehearsals before it! So we’re really starting to clean everything and go “full out”. Which also means that as soon as I wake up on Sunday mornings, my whole body CRIES OUT IN PAIN.

Too much school. Honestly, I can’t think of any big events that are happening this month?? Only SCHOOL SCHOOL SCHOOL. I’m already overwhelmed and it’s only been like three weeks into the new semester.

Lots of writing (I hope?). I REALLY want to brainstorm more ideas for my WIP and also possibly start outlining it this month, because I want to have it ready to write for April (Camp NaNo). Also! I want to write more poems, and I also want to enter a writing contest* where I have to write a 4K short story. SO. Lots of writing!!

*Yes, there is a cash prize. No, that is not the only reason I am entering. Yes, the other reason is that I liKE TO WIN.

shall we chat

so how was YOUR january? were you more alive than i was? (probably) how’s your reading going so far? any exciting new WIP ideas? tell me all about your january!!! and make sure to take care of yourselves!! 💕

blog signoff


108 thoughts on “May’s Moments of the Month: January // The New Year is New but Not Better, I Feel Dead, and I Struggle (a Lot)

  1. you literally just attack me for trying TO SHARE MY FAVOURITES WITH YOU I HATE YOU

    city of brass was a disaster that will haunt us forever


    Liked by 1 person

  2. I also want to start working on a WIP this month. Except it’s a story I wrote in class when I was about 12 years old. It’s set in Britain in a co-ed boarding school. (The heck was I thinking?) But now I’m changing it to a public school because I know waay more about that.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Congratulations on your anniversary!! Also, I’ve said this to you before but I’ll say it again because it’s 100% TRUE – your new design is GORGEOUS. Your new header is soooo pretty and I love the pink watercolour-looking titles! They’re so creative – I’ve never seen anything like them on any blogs before! You go Mango Queen – have a great February, May <3

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I feel like January is just the month of everyone being dead? Because we were all having such a jolly time being on break for Christmas and then January comes skipping along, dragging a mountain of school and homework behind it and we all simultaneously fall down dead. At least, that’s what I’ve observed.
    I love the poetry snippet about the sharp-heeled boots <3
    I only read five books this month, but I'm trying to tell myself that it's ok to just chill a little. (Except that I'm not really chilling because the reason I didn't read more books was because school is a ravenous beast who devours all my time. But anyway.)
    By the way, I tagged you for the Rising Author Tag! If you're interested, the details are here:

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omg yessss! I honestly thought January would be better because NEW YEAR, FRESH START, leave all the bad things behind!! But nope. School started and everything just crashed. 😂


      Aagh no, don’t beat yourself up for not reading more books than five! I get sad that I don’t read as much as I want, but I’ve learned that it’s okay to read less than what you normally do, if it means focusing on school & your health. <3 And omg thank you so much for the nomination!! 😘

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh I’m sorry this month was a little dead for you May, I guess the first month of the year can sometimes be a little slump-y can’t it? I’ll be keeping my fingers tightly crossed that next month you’re back to read, back to blogging, and just back to not feeling slump-y! :D
    I’m also really really sorry you didn’t enjoy The City of Brass, obviously that was one I enjoyed but we can’t all love the same books, and if it was one you were struggling with it was probably best to DNF it than force yourself to read it right? I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed the next book you pick up is a much better read for you.
    I hope you have a great February, and I hope you manage to complete all your goals as well. Also good luck with your WIP, both the one you wrote for NaNo last year and the new idea you have, I’d love to hear more about it! :D <3

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aahh thank you so much, Beth!! I’m really hoping that February’s better (so far it is!) because January was not good. (Which I was surprised because you’d think it would be a new year, fresh start, but nope. 😂)

      And ugh, I am SO SO sad I didn’t like City of Brass?? I’m so confused as well — what am I missing from everyone who loved it? 😂 But I’m glad others liked it a lot more than I did!

      THANK YOU SO MUCH BETH!!! And aahh I will definitely share more info about my WIP soon, hopefully. 😄

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s all right! :D Well good to hear February is going better so far, oh I normally find January is a weird month, things generally start improving once the year gets going.
        It’s a shame but at least you can say you tried it right?
        That’s all right, and I’ll be looking forwards to hearing more about it! :D

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I hope February is a better month for you!❤️January is always a pretty eh month at least for me, since it’s following holidays and no school and I just don’t feel liked doing anything. Also good luck with all your goals! And omg your new WIP sounds AMAZING!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi lovely! Even though you might not have felt great about this month, you accomplished SO MUCH STILL and you should be proud, especially considering you weren’t feeling great <3
    I really really want to read Dear Martin, and also your Peter Pan WIP hahaha
    Wishing you the best for February!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. wow you really nailed it with the “feeling dead” mood. ISSA BIG MOOD. i’m falling into the usual midwinter slump with school, blogging, & stuff. school has just been so intense and HARD this whole year, and i’m only a little more than halfway through. and my shin is partially stress-fractured from too much running which super sucks. i so wish i had time to work on a WIP right now!! (maybe during the summer…)

    i’m so sorry that your anxiety was worse this month :( i hope february treats you better <3 (PSST my birthday is in february if that's any consolation loll)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. UGH I FELT SO DEAD. luckily it’s much better in February but I’m still so “uggghhh” over January. and omg I’m so sorry about your shin!! I hope it’ll feel better soon. <3 and aahh god I barely find the time to work on my WIP the way I want to but I'm slowly making my way through it 😂

      THANK YOOOOU <3 (and omg happy early birthday!!!! 💖💖)


  9. I’m so sorry that January hasn’t been great for you :/ I pretty much felt the same, I had the first week off university and then everything started going downhill ugh! I have gladly finished my semester so I send you all the good vibes and strength for your semester and hope that it’s at least a tiny bit better than in January ♥

    Oh wow, I’m sorry that City of Brass has been ruining your reading a bit :/ I had the same with another book last year, where it took me ages to finish it and spoiled my entire reading month. But once you’re done with the book and have written a Review, you’ll hopefully read another book that you end up loving :)

    OMG Congrats on getting your first physical Arc, that’s totally amazing – I’m so happy for your! 😍🎉
    And gosh these snippets, they sound so good, I’m so excited you have fallen in love with this new WIP idea 😱

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Agh yes!! January started out great, but as soon as I went back to school… 😨 And aahh congrats on finishing the semester!! My semester finished before the winter break but I’ve got another one to go. 😣 THANK YOU, and good vibes to you as well! 💖

      Uuugghhh there are just those books that ruin it all for you!! I think I just generally have a problem with thick books, high fantasy books, and historical (fantasy) in general. (City of Brass was all three. 😅)

      Aaahh thank you so much!! This is actually my fourth ARC but I’m still VERY EXCITED. 😍 And dkdkfksn I’m so happy you like my snippets!! 😭💕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Going back to school always catches me off guard after Christmas break 😫 Thank you! I’m still anxiously working on my papers, but at least I don’t have classes any longer. I’m wishing you all the best luck for the semester! Thank you right back, good vibes are always needed 💕💕

        Oh that’s really unfortunate :o

        ARC’s are always very exciting, I don’t think the excitement ever fades :D They were great 💕💕

        Liked by 1 person

  10. ahhh thank you so much for the shoutout!! I’m very proud of that post and I’m so happy it resonated with so many <3

    ALSO I can't wait to BR furyborn with you :) I hope you've been having a wonderful February so far!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Yes, I just read your January wrap-up at the end of February – don’t judge I’m behind on some of your posts. Ahhh Furyborn!! I just got accepted for an ARC on Netgalley for that today! Have you started it? I legit thought you were giving one of your posts a shoutout in posts you loved because her name is May too haha. Good luck with your dance and school and MAY – DRINK MORE WATER!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omg don’t worry about being behind on posts, I definitely am too. 😂 And well, you know I finished Furyborn recently and it wasn’t QUITE what I was hoping it’d be… but hopefully you like it?? THANK YOU SO MUCH and gjal;kdfjas;d but my water bottle is so far awaaaaaay 😂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha yeah – i’ve been super nervous about it recently because you and at least one other blogger i follow didn’t like it much. Lame excuse! Strap it to yourself or something or get one of those hats with the straws!!


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