May’s Moments of the Month: February // I Was Sad but at Least I Read Some Books??

yay i’m attempting to be a blogger again!!

(i was supposed to post something else before this but. too late now)

monthly wrap-ups are probably the only thing i’ll consistently post, because i really love writing them and talking about myself for an ungodly amount of words, so today i’m here to tell you how my february was.

expect copious amounts of criminal minds references and me being unable to shut up about being sad!

i read 6 books, and i’m not happy but not sad with that number. i actually started out really great but then hit The Week (Sad Week) and it all plummeted. either my ARCs aren’t amazing or i’m getting more critical, because my ratings are a bit… lower this month.

        

• Belle Révolte Linsey Miller // started off badly but it got better for me. still, it didn’t stand out to me and was also irritating multiple times throughout ★★★☆☆
• The Electric Heir Victoria Lee // if i think about this for too long my heart starts to feel like it’s ripping. but it was a very good conclusion and i love domestic life noam x dara <33 ★★★★☆
• What I Like About You Marisa Kanter // one on hand it was a fun and mostly cute contemporary! on the other hand i was annoyed by communication issues ★★★☆☆ [3.5]
• In Other Lands Sarah Rees Brennan // THIS WAS SO GOOD! i loved the characters, the world, the story… everything. and i ADORE elliot and he’s probably one of the funniest/cleverest characters i’ve read ★★★★☆ [4.5 maybe?]
• Lucky Caller Emma Mills // unfortunately… i didn’t enjoy this as much as i was hoping. while i enjoyed it, it just didn’t feel like a very strong emma mills book ★★★☆☆ [3.5]
• Tweet Cute Emma Lord // i needed something addictive and fun to read, and this was it! i read it in a day! there were some things i didn’t Love but overall i had a good time reading it ★★★★☆

library haul

i got some fun and fresh books from the library in february!! i already read lucky caller, and also a bit of both the dragon republic and loveboat, taipei. i’m very excited to read them (though i’m scared i’ll hate loveboat, taipei), and i also wanted to feature my new bookstagram look, because i decided to do whatever i want on that platform and i’m enjoying it more!!

whoops, looks like i dropped the ball on blogging again!

(is that the right expression. i feel like it’s right but it looks wrong.)

as i made obvious in my book recs for when you’re sad post, i was sad (and i guess i still am) during february and that impacted my blogging. i could barely muster up the energy to look at anything in the online book community (goodreads, insta, etc).

i hate that it happened, because i actually had posts planned that i was excited about, and now i have a backlog of reviews to post—i know everyone hates book reviews but sorry, you’re getting 3 arc reviews this month!—and a whole lot of feeling bad.

i’m not trying to beat myself up over it, because i think i would have suffered a lot more had i forced myself to blog. and as you all have so kindly told me, i deserve to take breaks even if i have already taken so many and this is my blog so i can do whatever i want or need to do! and i’m not making any promises again about improving, because i can’t promise it right now. but i will say i have some posts written and it’s 2 am meaning prime time for me to get hit with blogging motivation so. for the moment i’m trying my best. <33

• i wrote 3 poems! which isn’t 5, and they were all when i was Really sad so therefore i can’t look at them without wanting to cry (from the cringe), but it’s better than my one (1) poem in january.
• and i actually started… plotting more things for a new WIP? yes i have commitment issues with WIPs, but my last one wasn’t even that good so is abandoning it for a better one such a bad thing??
• however the issue with this New One is that it’s less fantastical than what i’ve done and more thriller. i’m terrible with plot, so i’m going to be even worse at this plot because it involves having to actually Know what’s happening and make it a mystery!!!

• my mental health went whoosh! and by whoosh, i mean DOWN! i don’t know what happened, but it just feels like a sadness is always lingering over me no matter what i do. sometimes i don’t feel it, like whenever i’m dancing or watching tv, but then whenever i stop and don’t do anything, it all just comes back.
• it’s not always like an “oh i’m so miserable i just want to cry all day” kind of sadness, though sometimes it is. a lot of the time it’s an “oh existing on this earth is so hard and i just want to sleep forever” kind of tired-sadness. but no matter what, it’s exhausting and disabling and i HATE it.

• but!!! i started watching criminal minds, and it’s officially my latest obsession and my current mode of Distraction From The Sadness. i will be back to regular programming of irritating you all about miraculous ladybug after i finish watching all 12 season on netflix. (currently on season 3 and very paranoid about every single time i’m alone in my house.)
• there was also a week where i had almost no homework, but oh so coincidentally that was the Sad Week. so the universe basically hates me, because when i have homework to work on i’m stressed and want to die, but when i don’t have homework to distract me i’m sad and want to die!!
• (sharing that story just because i have nothing else to talk about for this section.)

(I didn’t have an actual wrap-up for December, so I didn’t make any goals except for these small non-blogging ones)

• read 9 books ㄨ (i read 2/3 of that)
• post 5 times ㄨ
• write 5 poems ㄨ (i don’t get why this is so hard for me but oh well)
• start (re)plotting WIP? ✓ (i actually kind of did this! the re-plotting part is out now because i’ve started a new WIP due to commitment issues)
• answer some comments!! comment on blogs!!! ㄨ
• do driver’s ed stuff ㄨ (I have a valid excuse for not getting my driving hours, and that is: the car doesn’t work)

• read 9 (10?) books (I HAVE SPRING BREAK! and March last year was my rereading month so it might be the same again…)
• post 5 times (I HAVE SPRING BREAK!)
• answer some comments!! comment on blogs!!! (I HAVE SPRING BREAK!)
• write 5 poems
• keep plotting WIP (it’s terrible so far but also so much fun)
• do driver’s ed stuff
• don’t watch past s7 of CM (it’s not good that i watched like fifty 40 min-long episodes in 2 weeks so i need to pace Myself)

spring break!!! i am beyond excited to escape this hellhole for a week, even though i will get very sad again, both during it and after it’s over. (my brain is weird! why am i sad during school breaks? we have no clue.) i’m hoping it means more blogging and reading, and not nine hours of criminal minds. i will be rereading ari and dante and i can’t wait to cry for three hours.

dance show! it’s gonna be my first time actually Performing my solo and i’m very nervous!! but i love all (or… most) of the dances i’m in this year and i’m excited to perform them. it’s always a bittersweet occasion, and luckily the tears for our departing seniors are saved for recital in may, but i’m looking forward to it.

being s*cial… EW i know. i can’t believe those words are coming out of my mouth. but i have plans to get together with friends already, and even though hanging out with them drains me like the introvert i am, it also makes me really happy. and i need that serotonin boost!! (and they will keep me from watching too much criminal minds.)

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how was your february? do you watch… criminal minds? (idk why i can’t stop watching) how many books have you read so far? how do you deal with sadness? i hope you’re all doing well!!!