May’s Moments of the Month: January // Be Honest: It Was Terrible

What a sucky start to 2021!

I don’t know if anyone else felt the same way or if the universe spared you from it, but January was not very good at all. My low mental health from December never improved, and going back to school meant even more stress piled on me. I can feel myself losing reading and blogging motivation already, and we’re!! only a month in to the year!!

There was one thing that made my January slightly better, though, and that was surprisingly writing? I think I am more inclined to write when I am more mentally unstable so, you know… at least there’s a positive to bad mental health!

mmm reading

I read 7 books this month!! I’m really happy with how I’m already doing a good job on my goal of trying to read more diversely in terms of book genre, age group, and type. I’m definitely slumping a bit, and it’s been really hard for me to not get distracted when reading. But my year is off to a GREAT start with all of these books—I enjoyed everything I read!

R.F. Kuang's The Poppy War – erased narrative  Black Sun (Between Earth and Sky, #1)  Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me  The City Born Great

  • The Poppy War RF Kuang // [reread] reading this knowing how everything ends is so painful and I loved Rin/her arc even more this time around (and also I dislike Altan MUCH less) ★★★★★
  • Black Sun Rebecca Roanhorse // this was SO good, I’m so impressed! this felt a bit like a series intro but I was so engaged, and Serapio is the exact type of soft tragic god figure I adore ★★★★☆
  • Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me Mariko Tamaki, Rosemary Valero-O’Connell // the art in this is so gorgeous, and the toxic relationship was written so well! ★★★★☆
  • The City Born Great NK Jemisin // this is a short story and the prologue of The City We Became, which I’m now even more excited to read! I loved the unique world ★★★☆☆ [3.5]

The Girls I've Been  Between the World and Me  The Space Between Worlds

  • The Girls I’ve Been Tess Sharpe // this was fantastic!! Tess Sharpe’s portrayal of trauma/abuse is fantastic, and I read this in two days—the writing is so gripping ★★★★☆
  • Between the World and Me Ta-Nehisi Coates // this was excellently written and heartwrenching to read. this is a book I think everyone would benefit from reading [no rating]
  • The Space Between Worlds Micaiah Johnson // I adored the writing style of this, and the worldbuilding is so intriguing. great commentary on classism and I LOVE SAPPHICS!! ★★★★☆


book When We Were Infinite by kelly loy gilbert sitting on top of off white blanket on and white pillow. behind are two blue pillows with pink flowers and a beige headboard  hand holding hardcover of WINTERKEEP by kristin cashore over off white blanket on top of white bedsheet, teal pillow in the upper right corner with pink flowers  arc of SHE WHO BECAME THE SUN by shelley parker-chan lying on white blanket and white pillow. in the background is a beige headboard (of my bed)

Thank you so much to the publishers (Simon Teen, Penguin Teen, and Tor Books, respectively) for sending me these copies!! I can’t believe I got lucky enough to get two of my most anticipated releases in advance, and I’m so excited to read them.

mmm blogging


I was supposed to post a lot more than I actually did, but I ended up having very low motivation due to low mental health so it kind of went downhill at the end of the month. I’m honestly not sure how well this month will go in terms of posting because my school workload is only increasing. But hopefully I can get a few up!! I think I might try to get one post up a week (I just have to decide which day).




I unfortunately dropped the ball on blog-hopping, but I really did love seeing everyone’s end of the year posts (especially the reading wrap-ups)!! If you posted one and want me to check it out, feel to drop it in the comments :D

mmm writing

I… actually wrote? I wrote both poetry and prose, and though it wasn’t much, I’m still very happy with the fact that I actually wrote! I was supposed to finish the novella I started during NaNoWriMo, and though I only write ~500 words, I figured out that I can probably end it in like 1k words and not 5k as I originally thought. So that’s good news!!

Poetry, for once, stole the show?? I mean, I only wrote a few poems, but I’m just really glad that I’m writing poetry after having abandoned it—and it’s actually not that bad. All the poems I wrote are very different but somehow still very “me,” I think. It’s cool to feel that my writing style/voice is developing into something that I don’t entirely hate.

mmm life

I went back to school again… I am Suffering. I think the stress and pressure of school finally hit me full-force, and I will definitely have to cut back on blogging in order to do all the Fancy Academic things! The end of this quarter will mark a full year since we went on “lockdown” (I cannot call anything the US has done a lockdown because. there was none) and it just feels so hopeless right now.

I feel like everyone can agree that January was a bad mental health month. Or at least, the last week of the month was universally terrible for everyone. I think I’ve finally admitted to myself that I’ve been in a bit of an ~episode since December, so there’s that at least. I’m hoping that February will be better but I’m honestly not sure if I can confidently say that will happen.

I listened to a LOT of music in January, because I really need to overstimulate my brain to prevent any chance of it having free time to think (bad things) on its own. It was a lot of The Neighbourhood, Cage the Elephant, and Wallows… aka please get me out of my alternative boy band phase, I am afraid that it is never going to end and I will be stuck here forever.

mmm old goals

Blaming the bad mental health on my… performance failures here!

  • read 8 books
  • finish my novella WIP
  • think over some mysterious blog things
  • keep up with Reader
  • get >7.4 hours of sleep
  • learn all Thai vowels
  • college prep
  • driver’s ed

mmm new goals

  • read 8 books
  • finish my novella WIP
  • start developing a novel idea
  • post at least 4 times
  • get >7.4 hours of sleep
  • college prep
  • driver’s ed

mmm looking ahead

There’s genuinely nothing big happening for me this month, which is again feeding into the whole “everything is hopeless I am so tired” thing. I guess I’m excited to read a bunch of ARCs that I’ve been looking forward to: Down Comes the Night, When We Were Infinite, The Unbroken, and The Mirror Season! (I’m grasping for Something here.)

shall we chat

was January a sucky month for you or were you blessed with a miracle? how many books were you able to read? what was something that made you happy? <3

blog signoff

57 thoughts on “May’s Moments of the Month: January // Be Honest: It Was Terrible

  1. :(( i miss talking to you. i agree, january was a low mental health month for me as well but i really am appreciating how happy friendships can make me? I mean i went back into a national lockdown so :) but seeing how the situation is going in the US…i am somewhat thankful at how we are handling it (kinda lmao) i was able to read 3 books which is actually a big upgrade from before but i read a lot of fanfic :)) one happy thing in my life…uhhhhhhh IDK LMAO. my one direction phase is a happy thing. i can’t think of literally anything else my brain is blanking!! i hope february is going better for u and u continue reading books you love!! and also that your mental health is better and you are able to achieve your goals!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. i miss talking to you too!! you are always free to text me whenever <3 and AHH i wish the us one have at least just. one full lockdown 😭😭 and yay 3 books is great!!! you know i'm not really a fic reader but the social media aus have been getting me…. for so long now lmao. and LMAO one direction phase….. better than ur dramione smut phase :p i hope you have a great february too, i love you!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. i’m sending you so much love and support, May!! 💓 i’ve been in a bad mental headspace since December as well (bc of something that happened in my personal life, but also the pandemic and the US as a whole is definitely not helping 😭) i definitely hear you on feeling hopeless and tired of everything, i’m now on week 3 of my spring semester and i seriously have no motivation to do anything :’) just sharing this so you know you’re not alone 💞 i really hope that February will be better for you mentally & personally! wishing you all the best with school, you got this and i believe in you. don’t worry about stepping back from blogging, your mental health is most important 🥺

    i’ve definitely been reading more for escapism haha (it’s one of my only sources of serotonin these days) and i also read 7 books in January, love that for us 🤩 so happy to hear that you enjoyed everything in read in January, that’s always the best 😊 i hope February continues to bring you a lot of great books and little joys 💗

    Liked by 2 people

    1. thank you so much, dezzy <3 i'm so sorry to hear that you've also been struggling with your mental health! i hope things become a little lighter for you in february 💖 and god i feel the same way!! all of my friends feel the same way about the second school semester… we're all just so tired and unmotivated and none of our teachers are understanding of that lmao. but thank you 🥺💕

      i'm trying to force myself to read for that Escapism but my brain is too frazzled to focus properly ahh!! but yay for reading 7 books too that's amazing <3 i hope you have the best february!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. i’m so sorry that you didn’t have a great january, may, and i really hope february is much better for you!!! ❤️ i love how we both reread one of our favorite books as our first read of the year haha and went through a lot of pain 😭 and black sun, laura dean and the space between worlds are all on my priority tbr so i’m glad you enjoyed them!!

    also ahh that’s great about writing, i wrote nothing in january lmao but i really want to start writing more poetry as well 💖 i hope you have a great february!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. thank you so much, ash!! and omg yes… i love how they weren’t even comfort rereads, we just said we will go into 2021 In Pain and we will enjoy it 😭 i hope you get around to reading those books, i can’t wait to see your thoughts on the space between worlds!

      and omg no don’t worry about not writing — honestly whenever my mental health dips i find that i write more poetry 😭 but i hope you’re able to get some writing done in february!!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh no, it sucks that your January was a disaster, I really hope this month will be better!
    I loved Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up With Me, it’s so amazing! Also really looking forward to The Girls I’ve Been. Yaay for getting some writing done! I swear I thought I would get down to writing in January but nope, didn’t happen. Still, other than that I had a pretty great month :)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. thank you so much, charvi! i really appreciate it <3 and omg the girls i've been is SO good, you're going to adore it whenever you read it! and ahh thank you, it wasn't as much writing as i hoped for but you know, celebrate the small things haha. i'm so happy you had a great january! <3


  5. Sadly, January was also a crappy month for me, and I’m blaming it all on my exams )): I’m sorry to hear your month didn’t go well. I’m glad to know you’ve been writing more and enjoying it, but do take care of yourself and rest too <3 I'm so looking forward to reading The Girls I've Been, and knowing you liked it so much makes me even more excited!!! I hope you have a better February <3 <3

    Liked by 2 people

    1. i’m so sorry that january was also terrible for you, marta!! i hope this month will be better for you without exams looming over you <3 and omg you're going to LOVE the girls i've been — it was genuinely so amazing and had me completely captivated! have a wonderful february 💖

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I certainly relate to you, as January was a bad month for me too mentally. It really sucks to have nothing to look forward to so I haven’t been feeling the best… And it showed because I got myself into a huge reading slump and I only read 4 books (and didn’t really love either of them).
    But at least I managed to watch a lot of TV shows and I discovered a new favourite, which is actually a Thai series, called 2gether: The Series. I love it so much. 😭
    Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me is a really good graphic novel, I liked it too when I read it last year.
    Fingers crossed our February is going to be better!


  7. I’m so sorry January was a bad month for you, I so get that feeling though. I really hope that February has been a little bit better so far and that it will slowly but surely improve… it’s all we can do, hope and do our best. I’m always here for you if you ever need to vent or anything at all <3 <3 On a positive note, I'm glad you got to write a little bit, yay! <3 Rooting for you always <3


The Mango Queen demands your opinions.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s