May’s Moments of the Month: October // School Stress, Failed TBR, No NaNo Prep, but… Halloween Candy? Book Fest?

Basically, October was a mess.

I had such high expectations for it and for myself, so of course, I didn’t meet them!!

The month as a whole was better than September, but still not great either. I had a lot of breakdowns, read only half my TBR, and didn’t finish prepping for NaNoWriMo. I didn’t publish three posts that I was supposed to, and I hardly commented or replied to comments.

But I guess some good things were Halloween candy and going to a book fest????

(Wow I LOVE coming up with only two good things about October.)

I read 6 books! Out of my TBR of 11 books! (And technically 12 because I didn’t get to finish a book in September like I was supposed to!)

I liked all the books I read, fortunately. None of them were five-star books but I did cry a lot over one of them so…?? Progress at becoming more emotionally fragile than ever???

I also hosted the Fivestarathon during the first week of October. We were supposed to read five books. I read one.

But the best part of my reading month was going to a teen book fest at the beginning of October!! I got to meet five authors (I stood in line for an hour to meet Laini Taylor and the line was cut off literally three people in front of me, but it’s okay because I talked to some cool people and had fun!) and they were literally all so sweet! Julie C Dao told me, “Maybe I’ll see you around in future book fests as well [as an author]!” and Mark Oshiro was the most hilarious ever.

          

• Forest of a Thousand Lanterns Julie C Dao // I LOVE XIFENG SO MUCH + kinda slow at first + the ending wasn’t enough for me + but the moral greyness? moral ambiguity? character arc? amazing ★★★☆☆ [3.5]
• Final Draft Riley Redgate // cute f/f romance!!!!! + loved the emphasis on writing + school stress representation? so accurate + subtle yet beautiful messages + just… really gorgeously realistic ★★★★☆
• The Burning Maze Rick Riordan // got spoiled for the ending but still cried + will never be the same + can’t believe this happened + but also I think this is my favorite of the series so far! ★★★★☆
• Circe Madeline Miller // didn’t click with it as much as I expected to +  I just feel… weird about it + still really liked and enjoyed it + truly subtly BEAUTIFUL ★★★★☆
• Empress of All Seasons Emiko Jean // I have never felt more emotions over a book than this one + anger? frustration? shock? surprise? satisfaction? contentment? + my opinions changed throughout the book but I liked it mostly ★★★☆☆ [3.5]
• The Brilliant Death Amy Rose Capetta // MAGICAL GENDERFLUID PEOPLE + great explorations of identity + the concept of “the brilliant death” is SO GOOD + there’s also some moral greyness ?? love ★★★★☆

book haul?

Here are the four books I got this month!

I bought For a Muse of Fire and Black Wings Beating at the book festival I went to, and I preordered What If it’s Us! (Literally the three out of four books I’ve bought this year.) I also got an ARC of The Fever King (MY FIRST 2019 ARC!!!) and I am so genuinely excited to read it.

favorite book?

Hmm, I didn’t really LOVE any book a lot this month? I genuinely can’t choose. Any of my four-star books, honestly.

disappointment?

My biggest disappointment would probably be me!!! Omg just kidding I’m not THAT self-deprecating. Mostly.

I guess I would say Empress of All Seasons, though I really wasn’t that disappointed? I’m just sad that the character I LOVED at the beginning of the book turned out to be a character I HATED by the end.

favorite review?

I really really loved my Girls of Paper and Fire review and I’m extremely proud of it. I didn’t think I’d be able to actually express my love for the book and how beautiful it was but I think I did a pretty decent job!

updates?

• Okay I was doing good-ish except I missed like three posting days and still am horrible at commenting and replying to comments.
• But I feel like I did more commenting and replying than I have before? And I actually did some commenting back and it felt so good. Reading and replying to your comments makes me feel on top of the world, actually, even if I’m having so much trouble doing it.
• This month, I won’t be posting that much (except I’ll actually be posting more than I did in October omg I hate myself). I’m focusing on NaNoWriMo, so you’ll see some updates on that, plus a little series I’ve been planning for some time now! And a special birthday post since it’s my birthday this month!!

top posts?

    

(No post has gotten as many views as my SJM post in like… forever.)

favorite post?

I actually genuinely loved ALL the posts that I wrote this month, which is sadly not common for me? Usually I like most posts but there are some that I don’t like as much, you know?

Since pretty much all the posts were featured in my top posts, I really adored my Girls of Paper and Fire review and I’m actually pretty proud of it!!

others’ posts I loved!

I’m trying to slowly bring this back as I start commenting more on others’ blog posts!

• Marie @ Drizzle and Hurricane Books was one of the hosts for the Shattering Stigmas event, and I loved her own post on her mental health journey (and also my own post!!! shameless self promo)
• Ilsa @ A Whisper of Ink FINALLY told us what her WIP was about and I fell in love immediately
• Lily @ Sprinkles of Dreams wrote an amazing amazing post on her blogging struggles and… I feel it deep down in my bones. I know I’m going to eventually have to address the things similar to what she did on my own blog, because it’s important to me to be open about it to learn from it and improve, but in the mean time, this post is amazing and I recommend that every blogger (and non-blogger) reads it
• Vicky @ Vicky Who Reads recommended 50 Asian fantasies in light of recent events regarding the portrayal of Asian women in fantasy, and I LOVE IT

• My goal was to finish outlining! By the end of October! In order to start writing for NaNoWriMo! Guess who did not do that!
• I mean literally at this point WHY am I even trying anymore.
• NaNoWriMo has STARTED and I am very excited, even though I’m having to do some plotting and writing at the same time. Luckily I was able to finalize names (literally had no name for my main character until the middle of October) and some plot points but… that’s about it.
• I haven’t been writing much poetry either because I haven’t been freewriting in my English class as much! We just started up again, though, so hopefully I’ll write more in November?

• Mental health-wise, October was better! Not GREAT, but good enough. I had a lot of breakdowns, and near the end of the month I shut down and shut myself out from social media and blogging because I was so overwhelmed from school work, which was the most extreme effect I’ve faced from school stress (besides breakdowns). It was actually kind of scary, really, because my mind could not stop panicking even though I kept trying to reason with myself??
• But that rough shut-myself-out episode is over now, and I think that November will be a more relaxed month! Because 1) it’s my birthday month and it better be good and 2) THANKSGIVING BREAK.
• I listened to a lot of Brockhampton! I think I literally listen to a separate artist each month for some reason?? Like at one point earlier this year it was Hayley Kiyoko, and then Troye Sivan in August, Marina and the Diamonds in September, and now Brockhampton in October…
• But honestly, the band is SOOOO not my style (like I’m cool with hip hop and rap but I don’t really choose to listen to it, per se?), but I ,, love their songs?? Some of them are Really intensely rap and I DON’T like them, but others? Bops.
• I also saw The Hate U Give in theatres and it was absolutely amazing. I really want to go again (even though I KNOW I’ll cry harder lmao) and I think it’s a movie everyone needs to watch. It’s not my story to tell, but I will always boost it and all black voices that need to be heard. Please, please watch it.

wow!!! I wonder why I failed ALL my goals this month!!! when I was so stressed out from school that not even a week off from it could save anything!!!!!!

• read 11 12 books ㄨㄨㄨ (the most pathetic and hilarious thing I’ve done all year is read literally 6/12 books on my TBR)
• write & upload 10 reviews ㄨ (I wrote one review, but… I uploaded some others??)
• outline my WIP & prep for NaNo ✓ㄨ (I… lowkey prepped for NaNo??)
• write more poetry ㄨ (I wrote ONE poem)
• I N T E R A C T ㄨ (“I think I can really do it this month!” is what I said)
• reply to at least 3 month’s worth of comments!!! ㄨ (“I BELIEVE IN MYSELF” is what I said)
• sleep at least 7.5 hours during the school week ㄨ (yeah so more like 6-7)
• drink at least 1 water bottle a day ㄨ (no)

• read 12 books (I mean… it’s Not going to happen but I need to read 12 in November and 13 in December to read 100 books this year sooooo)
• read the 3 overdue ARCs (one is from August and two are from last month cry)
• write & upload 5 reviews (wow look at me actually expecting to be productive)
• write 50k for NaNo!! or at least 30k!! (I have no idea if I want to shoot for 30k or the full 50k but right now I’m going for 50k??)
• reply to November and October’s comments! (this seems really doable for me, considering I’ll be reading and writing a lot!)
• sleep at least 7 hours* during the school week (I love how this slowly decreases)
• drink at least 1 water bottle a day! (REALLY important now that it’s getting closer to dry winter)

*I accidentally typed 7 years and honestly give me the magic to sleep 7 years a night.

MY BIRTHDAY. (Obviously this comes first, because it’s about me.) My birthday is coming up on the 17th and I’m… excited! I don’t know really how to feel about it? My parents show me baby photos and videos of me all the time and I feel so old now. But I’m excited to see where this year goes!

NaNoWriMo!!! I am REALLY excited to be writing this WIP, even though I have no idea what the middle will consist of. I think it’s going to be a trashy first draft (lack of plot is my favorite), but I think I’m also going to have a lot of fun with it! Plus, I feel like this year I’ve gotten a lot better at writing and finding my style which I love for me!!

Another break from school (thank god). I have no idea how I’m going to last next semester when there’s only spring break as a week-long break. Like it’s either I take a break from school or I have breakDOWNS because of school. (But my birthday being on the first day of break? Iconic!)

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how was your October?? are you doing NaNoWriMo? (tell me what your WIP is about!) did you know it’s my BIRTH MONTH? and are you taking care of yourselves?? <33